Just Show Up

I want to start this post by saying that I ripped the title off of a friend of mine who just began her own life coaching business, Aurorae. If you are thinking about those services and you're in the Cincinnati area, check her out. She also updates a blog on this website with thought provoking questions, answers, tips and reflections on life. I read her first post, Just Show Up, early last week and it was incredibly appropriate and I soon discovered, spot on.

Last week felt like it lasted a month. A very good friend of mine found out that her dad was in hospice care at a hospital and lost him Tuesday morning. I was honored to be with her and her family during this time and to represent our pack of friends, our Urban Tribe , during this period. I went to her hometown, about 90 miles away, twice to be with her, and there were definitely times when I wanted to help but wasn't sure how. At home, I tried to keep everyone updated, organize food drop offs and box collecting; the kind of things that you do when you want to do something but you don't really have anything to do. But I discovered that when you strip away those things, in situations like these, there isn't much else you can do besides just show up. So I did, and so others did, and I hope it was helpful in some way.

And while it probably seems odd or inappropriate to also discuss, last week I wrote about going to a concert with Matt. It seemed like a weird thing to do given what was happening with my friend and it seemed hard to bring myself to once again leave Elliott with a baby sitter when I knew I'd be gone from him more than I normally am. But it was important to Matt to go, so I did, and I was glad that I decided to just show up. As parents who both work outside the home we don't often get time to also try to be a couple, and it turns out that when you are going through something stressful it actually helps to be with the one you love and enjoy each other. And that was really good.

I feel like I make all of these schemes to try to figure life out. I come up with these plans for the future about how how I will ensure that I get the most out of every day, how I'll prepare food and get the house cleaned, how I'll take Elliott places so that he gets to do things that other kids get to do, and how to just basically organize my life so that my time and resources are being most fully utilized at all times so that everyone is happy and taken care of. And while those are noble goals, I realize that they are not the answer to a happy life. There is also importance in just showing up and being present where you are and attentive to who you are at all times. I think that the idea that you have control over your life is an illusion; it just means that things happened to work out how you wanted them to. A disruption can happen at any time that you can't stop and that can throw off everything you've worked so hard to arrange. When you plan to just show up, though, you have a plan that can be successfully activated no matter what happens.